Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Stick to the plan!

You may have heard of the Leeroy Jenkins video. If not, it is a video of an attempted raid on a dungeon by some Warcraft-wonks, and the story of how it goes terribly wrong. Since it starts off with wonky tactics, it may seem amusing only to Warcraft fans… but just wait through the first couple minutes, and it becomes something anyone can appreciate. Anyone who has planned great and thoughtful plans in an online videogame. Or anyone who’s made a beautiful plan in an RPG, only to see it ruined by bad players. Or just anyone with a sense of irony who understands how intricately thought out plans never survive contact with the enemy… or in particular has been screwed by a zealous ally.

Go watch the video.

The experience is so universal really, it has given rise to Leeroy used as geek slang:

1. Leeroy
1: One who does not grasp the concept of caution.
2: One whose success is based purely off relentless aggression and pure luck.
3: One whose battle cry consists of their own name.

1: To destroy all hopes of success.
2: To rush headlong into danger without regard to consequences.
3: To satisfy one's own desires at the expense of all around oneself.

My first thought concerning the use of this paradigm in the post-Leeroy Jenkins world was politics. Not only how we can see this metaphor in general, but how the specific language and wordings could apply to our angsty situations. Thus I give you… Howaaard Dean.

Kerry: Okay guys, uh, these Republicans are giving us a lot of trouble since the war. Uh, does anybody need anything think we can win this election or can we bypass?

Kennedy: Uh, I think Howard thinks he can beat this guy.

Kerry: Oh, d'he...he has that "successful governor record" Doesn't, isn't he a northeasterner?

Kennedy: Yeah, but that'll help him with swing voters better. He'll have executive experience.

Kerry: (sigh) Christ. Okay, uh, well, what we'll do, I'll talk about the economy, uh, take the war off the table as an issue. We can kind of just, you know, vote for the war in a short resolution. Um, I will use weird Senate votes to make it into a budget battle. Kind of scatter 'em so we can talk about budgetary issues and get the moderate Republicans to disagree. Uh, when my distractions done uh, I'll need Clarke to come in and point out how the terrorists are still messing things up too, uh, so we can keep 'em scattered and not have to "criticize the troops". Um, when his is done, Biden of course, hr'll have to run in and do the same thing. Um, we're gonna need a Senate Report to say we're losing the war on terror, uh so they can uh, go on the talk shows uh, so we of course can get 'em down fast because we're bringing all these guys, I mean, we'll be in trouble if we don't take 'em down quick.

Kerry: I think it's a pretty good plan. We should be able to pull it off this time. Uh, what do you think Zogby, can you give me a number crunch real quick?

Zogby: Uhh, yeah, give me a sec, I'm coming up with 32.33, uh, repeating of course, percentage of victory.

Kerry: Well that's a lot better than we usually do against a war president. uh, about ready guys?

Dean: Allright, deaniacs, let's do this. HOOOOWAARD DEEAAANNNN!!!!

Kerry: Oh my God, he just peacenicked.

Gore: Save him!

Kerry: Oh jeez, Stick to the plan!

Kennedy: Oh jeez..

Edwards: No!

Kennedy: Lets go! Lets go.

Clarke: Stick the the plan John?!

Kerry: Stick to the plan!

Lieberman: Oh gee, Oh f-ck.

Trippi: Give me more internet fundraising!

Kennedy: Hurry Up.

Kerry: Vote.

H. Clinton: CA CA Ca Can't swing.

Kerry: I can't get independents. Am I flip-flopping?

Edwards: I can't spin.

Lockheart: Wha The, What the Hell?

McAuliffe: I can't 527 you.

Daschle: Oh my God guys

Lockheart: The Swiftboat Ads keep airing!

Kerry: Can't respond!

Sasso: More are airing!

Carville: I don’t think you can respond to that shit.

Clarke: Oh my God!

Dean: Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God...

Trippi: I got it, I got it...

Edwards: I can't win the primary!?!

Kerry: I Already won the primary

Kerry: Clark's down..

Gore: Oh my God.

Kerry: Pff. God Dammit Howard...

McAuliffe: God, dammit, Howard...

Daschle: Howard, you moron!

Kerry: ... Howard...

H. Clinton: Genius.

Clarke:I’m on it.

Kucinich: Dumbass.

Edwards: I’m Down. 6 points down.

Kerry: God Damn.

Lockheart: Clinton, save us. Clinton photo op!

Kerry: Why do you do this shit Howard?

Edwards: I’m trying!

Dean: It's not my fault.. the media distorted me

McAuliffe: Who's planned the grassroots?

Kerry: We do have grassroots, dont we?

Lieberman: Oh God.

H. Clinton: Oh for… pff.

Kennedy: Great job, moron..

Kerry: Howard, you are just Stupid as Hell!

Dean: At least I have a blog.


Post a Comment

<< Home